March 2012
my mum keeps giving me glass after glass of cider, wine and vodka
why is she trying to get me drunk
what evil motherly devil whore tricks does she have planned
my driving instructor: you go to college, right?
me: yeah i study maths, history and art
my driving instructor: you must be intelligent. so tell me, why are we on this planet? why do i look different to you? why are we the way that we are?
me: i don't know..........but i can teach you how to make pretty paper
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dyking replied to your photo: i hate my life why did i choose to take maths at…
you’re gay cos you have nice hand writing
hey now
HEY NOW
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clavid:
also, people who spell pedophile “paedophile” are probably too informed on the matter and are pedophiles themselves
all british people are now paedophiles
ssunwashighsowasi asked: okay i am sorry for telling you this but i just HAVE TO DO IT ok tonight i dreamed we had phonesex and all of the sudden your penis came out of my phone (!!!) and then i had sex with your penis while pressing my phone to my crotch and then you climbed out of the phone and we had sex and i laughed and you got mad but then i said i laughed because of a pug and then we both laughed and i woke up in...
i was wearing my pikachu onesie and i walked past the window and a little boy was walking past and he was staring at me so i did the creepiest smile then blended into the shadows
i think i just ruined one small boy’s childhood
Anonymous asked: your 'babies' tag is the best thing on the internet
my driving instructor always asks me such deep questions like the meaning of life and how the world was created
so like 5 minutes into the lesson i was thinking “oh, he’s not pondering the mysteries of life today he must have ran out of things to ask m-“
“why do humans……………look the way that we do”
spoke too soon
i get so easily distracted i said i was going to bed at 9 but ended up getting into a 4 hour skype call and now i have to be up for college in 5 hours
i’m gonna crash whilst on my driving lesson tomorrow
drinking alcohol until u are happy- my life ft. me
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i just watched the weirdest “porn”
as the intro two people were sitting in an office doing a pretend job interview
it turns out it wasn’t pretend, or an intro
i sat through like ten minutes of them discussing job credentials and going through resumes
then the video ended
mellowsyke:
matt has been distant since i told him i only like cheese and tomato on my pizza
i had no idea what the hunger games was but my friends said we should go and watch it and i heard “kids being forced to fight to the death” and agreed
Anonymous asked: JAG TRODDE ÄNGLARNA FANNS BARA BARA I HIMMELEEENNN
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disastr replied to your post: i came home from school and my mum had made me…
phobia of chicken nuggets
when i was 6 i ate some chicken nuggets then puked them up and ever since then whenever i think of chicken nuggets my world collapses
i came home from school and my mum had made me chicken nuggets when she KNOWS i have a phobia of them so i said “i’d rather chew glass” and floated away to my room
yes i’m that chicken nugget bxtch
wow it’s cold outside just like my icy heart which is bitter that i have to go to school 2day
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souljaboymeetsworld:
porn is getting harder and harder to watch.
fuck you ads just staring at me from the side
riders-of-brohan:
“I’ve lost weight” I announced.
Everyone congratulated me.
But Weight was the name of my son.
Watchi’m watching digimon in japanese and i literally have no idea what’s going on
i’m laughing along and pretending i understand
earlsweatshart:
I ALSO MISS MATT LIKE MORE THAN ANYTHING WE HAVENT HAD A SERIOUS CONVERSATION IN LIKE 2 WEEKS its so sad we need to skype soon ily matt baby
lEts do IT otnight because my doctor has tripled my dosage of anti-depressants and i’m high as a kite constanlty ho HO HO HOH HO HO miss ya babe miss ya
Anonymous asked: do you listen to any Swedish chart music or anything?
my teacher: so, table four, have you analysed the sino-soviet treaty and what this says about the relationship between china and russia during this period?
me: yes, russia's inherently expansionist regime wanted to exploit the naivety of the early chinese communist system by agreeing to distribute military and economic aid under unrealistic circumstances. the treaty was hugely beneficial in their favour, securing mongolia as part of the soviet sphere and unifying two of the world's only communist powers at the time
my teacher: wow! excellent! very good!
my friend: what the hell? how did you know that?
me: i was just reading from the poster on the wall right above her head and it looked like i was looking at her
when people write “wan’t”
what
why
where did that apostrophe even come from
emotional breakdowns at the end of each digimon season ft. me
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Watch
annefranksgasmask:
wyhats int n m y mourht
gauze
i just nearly had a final destination death
we’re getting our bathroom renovated so there’s tools and stuff everywhere and the shampoo bottle fell off the shelf and hit a toolbox which fell onto the shelf below and a saw flew down and nearly chopped off my foot
i could’ve been blogging as an amputee right now wow